Hamid died.

SHABE FERAGH CHE KASI DANAD KEH TA SAHAR CHAND AST
MAGAR KASI KEH BE ZENDANE ESHGH DAR BAND AST

Today I decided to accept the fact that Hamid died. I have postponed that fact till now, years after his death since I figured I could not take it.
Hamid is my cousin ,my father'’s sister’'s son, o.k Dr.parsay’s son,we have to say that? These are my memories of Hamid and I need to talk about it to accept it. First the above picture is Hamid and I and his daughter playing the piano. Thank God her back is to us so I don’t have to get permission from anybody! This picture is taken in his house in Niavaran,Tehran. The same house my aunt was arrested in .
Hamid was the most intellectual man I ever met,knew everything,could solve the most difficult mathematical equations in a minute, would take part in Kounkoor ( way worst than GMAT+SAT+phd entry exams put together) without preparation. He was amasing. When we were children we were neighbors and we were always swimming. In their house was a pool but in those days there was no system of filtering and taking care of the pool stuff,as of result this pool was al;ways dirty and the color of the water was greenish! So if one would go under water he could of not been seen. Hamid would go under water and all of us(Shahla,Nahid,Farzad,Mahshid,Navid,Farhad, and any guest present) had to guess which corner he will come out of! He would take minutes and would go to all corners we could not see anything except the white fish(mahi sefide) which was a big fat red fish turned white and always in that pool. Whoever guessed right would win and I remember his brownish/almost black in summer sun and water pouring from his back.
In those days we did not know that we both go to Purdue,that I be the one bringing his mother’s fire squad news ,….. In those days we just swam,laughed,ate the fruits from the trees and in the evenings we performed for the parents, Hamid was the director.
I had to pause. I drove to the beach and I am sitting on a park’s bench,lots of birds,pelicans are in front of me. middle of the ocean is a piece of wood and some birds are sitting on it. I love this thou gradually feel like I miss having a partner. Some family is making BBQ and the train rail is nearby. I wonder where Emily Dickenson is now? the woman I met last week.
O.k I was telling Hamid’s story. My cousin,brother,friend… he was so distanced and so near at the same time. He hated writing,loved reading. As we grew up he helped us with our math questions, we made fun of him because he would spend his weekly allowances (poole haftegi) to buy Mickey Spillane Mike Hammer books(click on title), and we on food(tokhme aftab gadroon,mash mirzastore,or ice cream from falakeh), he did something once and that was since I was sucking my thumb till God knows how long, way into school ,he put my two thumbs in his mouth and I felt its not clean and stopped sucking my thumb! Go figure why!
Then he left for America to go to Purdue university,after 3 years I was sent to Indiana,but to Earlham. I went to visit him at Purdue,he was the roommate of aliali. I met Ghassem,Majid,Amir (who later married Bahman’s sister)Bijan,and Rooja (my friend who came there to visit me). I applied for a scholarship, I got it and transferred to Purdue. At the end of second year I met Bahman, and year after married him. Hamid left Purdue by then .
He would go take the physics test of aliali and get an A without studying,but would not go to his own classes. At that time confederation of Iranian students became very strong. Poor hamid, his mother was secretary of education,his father was a generl in army and all students were against generals in the army and secrataries of shah’s cabinet. He did not know where to go and what to say,but all loved him, and me more ethan others.
I would make him angry sometimes like I asked Majid to give me a ride to Chicago to got to embassy and Hamid said how much do you know this guy? why do you ask him a favor? I guess if my brother was there he would of said the same thing but I was right trusting Majid,up to this day he never said a wrong word,or approach me or anything, he always been a good friend.
After hamid left Purdue and returned to Iran, I came to Iran for summer vacation, some suitors visited me at my house and once hamid,Ghassem and I went to a movie together(ragbar movie). I thanked Hamid for that since in Iran,being a virgin thou at 2rd year of university, could not date anybody. If he did not accompany us I could not see Ghassem. But Ghassem became a member of confederation,hated us thinking we are pro shah,thou we were simple people and only after the advancement of women. I did not talk to Ghassem after that and the last time I talked to him was after my divorce and after the revolution ,I called him on the phone, after hello and finding out he is married and has a child, he said haven’t they captured your aunt?(by her name) and said when are they going to kill her(working for the shah) I was so angry and that was the last time. Later I heard he died in an dargiri khiabani.. or next to jebhe Iraq zone. Whoever has more info tell me,but somehow he really hurt me with such quick judgement, typical of confederation young and hot students.
But that is how the atmosphere was and poor Hamid had to take it harder. That summer when I came back to Iran I brought a magazine(2 pages) of a confederation newspaper.I hide it in a Hair record,inside the cover. I passed the airport and when we got home I gave it to my father. He was furious,thou he himself wasan enghelabi,when my turn came he ws angry and worried for my safety!He immediately left to my aunts house and gave it to her. She was at that time in the shah’s cabinet and would see Hoveyda the prime minister every day. She gave that to Hoveyda. Later in the ordoo camp(every summer I would go to ordoo), when Hoveyda and my aunt came together to visit,they called me and I sat in front of them on the floor (casual at seaside) I heard my aunt told Hoveyda,she is the one who brought that paper. Hoveyda always carried a cain with him, he lifted it and made a jesture as if he wants to hit me, and said nutty girl… and a reporter of Ayandegan took a picture,that became the first page of Ayandegan and title was Prime minister goes to training camp(ordooye tarbiati) I wish I had that picture.
O.k in that paper the students were asking for the overthrow of shah,hoveyda and all his cabinet, meaning my aunt too. Hamid and I would read those stuff and say but ammeh joon(her mother)is a good person,educated,every day from 6am would go to work and come home late with more work in her hands, who do we believe? Thou deep in my heart I did not want a king and wish he was a president,changed every 4 years, but …. 5 years after that picture the revolution happened,shah and his cabintet were overthrowm hoveyda,my aunt ,and lots of others killed by firing squad, and a regime WAAYYYY worst that shah,came to power, HOMENI_KHAMWENEI. I still want a president but not for that price!

O.k I was talking about Hamid. He stayed in Iran and years passed, he got married had children.Until the revolution happened and my mother went to Hamid’s house to see my aunt , and the revolutionary guards came and took his mother. I went there while the guards were still there and Hamid said, I asked mother to leave from the small wall behind the house and she refused. Then the days of going to prison and visiting her came, Hamid would go every time with Timsar his father. After couple of months we heard on the radio that she was executed by firing squad. In those days early in the morning you would listen to the radio and if someone was executed it was announced. That morning nothing was announced so Hamid and Timsar were getting ready to go to prison to visit my aunt. At 10 am the phone rang,it was Nazi my friend,she said my mother just passed out on the couch,she heard the news I said what news,she is fine, and president Bani sadr last night gave her afv(forgiveness) and radio this morning did not announce…actually Hamid and Timsar were getting ready to go to prison to give her the afv news. At that time kourosh my uncle’'s son came upstairs to our house and said short and casual.they shot her. what?
Phone dropped from my hand, mother and grandma sat on the floor of the kitchen, my uncle'’s wife joined us and for a long time we were all just sighing oh…oh… ah… my grand ma from my mothers side could not talk for 3 days after that. Mother said I have to go to timsar’s house and tell them not to go to prison. I said I come with you, we wore black clothes,hoping that would give them a sign and we don’t have to give them the news.(now that I think of it such a dangerous thing we did,driving while we were out of this world of sorrow). I was worried for Hamid a lot.
When we arrived Hamid was coming down the stairs and just came out of shower,ready to go to prison. They said what? We did not dare telling them, we knew timsar's friend was on his way to their house to break the news, so we said wait till timsar get here and then go to prison, something happened,they asked she is freed? we said we don’t know. They chose not see our black clothes,our crying eyes, cause that is how hopeful human beings are. Then Timsar M arrived, he was crying full fac,e full of tears. He did not have to say anything. I jumped and hold Hamid and hold him tight, we all cried.
Next worry was how to tell Mahshid his sister since she was pregnant and was flying from Abadan to join them to go to prison for a visit with them. I don’t remember what happened next,somehow the driver nejati went and got her stuff from prison, big crowd showed up at her ceremony and nobody was scared of attending it……..
I took Hamid to a friends house days after,I was hoping we plan something but you see we are not like the pasdars, we just swallowed our anger, hoping God take care of them in due time. Hamid stayed in Iran and I left after my divore for America. Last time I saw him is in the picture above. I wrote him a letter months before his death and said how are you or maybe called him .His best friend was Bijan one of the Purdue guys. They always had dore at his house and played cards, did some business.Minoosh told me Hamid had some salad Olivier that night. Then had heart attack at night, drove himself to the hospital and died there.

When I heard the news of his death it was so grave for me that I chose to ignore it. I said I am here in America and he is in Iran and we did not communicate too much anyway so lets pretent he is still alive ,butI knew one day I had to believe it and today is that day. Hamid joon God bless you, I love you, see you in heaven with all my questions about math, how to fly a plane,estekak,arashmidos,and which corner of the pool you decide to come out of. Ghorboone dele mazloomet beram.